I admit it – I’m a Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise fan. Not even a closet one. Like, Chris Harrison and the Bachelor could show up at my friend’s house like they do before the final show because we have viewing “parties” every week. Except we are all married so that would be creepy – and probably wouldn’t make for very compelling TV with our sweatpants and cookie dough.
I’ve said it before: there are a lot of similarities between competing on the Bachelor and competing in a pageant. But when I was having a “last hurrah” with a teen contestant last week and we were talking about preliminary awards, the Bachelor just happened to pop back into my head. Weird, I know.
In the Bachelor process, there are rose ceremonies where all the girls line up and the Bachelor gives roses to the girls he wants to keep around, saying sayonara and bidding adieu to those he doesn’t. But here’s the important part: there are also roses given outside of the rose ceremonies.
When a girl receives the first impression rose, date rose, or any kind of rose ahead of a rose ceremony, a funny thing happens. Allllllllll the other girls who were just being all nice and hopeful and confident suddenly turn into insecure piles of blubbering messes. Any assurance they had about their connection with the guy – along with their self-confidence – flies out the window, and they instantly panic and doubt everything. They go from, “I’m ready for love and know I’m what he’s looking for,” to “what is wrong with me and why doesn’t he like me?!?!”
Desperation sets in, and if they don’t get a handle on it, it can sabotage any chance they have of making it very far in the process.
Here’s the thing – while those roses are an amazing validation that the guy reciprocates your connection, it is in no way a fast-pass to the end. Every week, the game resets, and you still have to build on that momentum or risk falling behind and being overshadowed. There are girls who get that first impression rose on night one and end up exiting early, or girls who don’t get it and make it all the way through. At the end of the day, it’s all about who is able to have a memorable, real, steady, and lasting impact on the Bachelor. Well, as real and lasting as is possible considering the six-week “courtship” and inevitable break up. 😉 #AnalogyEndsHere
Preliminary awards are tough because no matter who you are or how unrealistic it may seem that you could win one, you still have that little nugget of hope in the back of your mind that you just might be the one! Crazier things have happened, right?! But once those awards are handed out, and you come up empty-handed, it can be really easy to let all of your confidence, preparation, and concentration fly out the window like the girls on the Bachelor. You can become desperate, thinking you need to change something for Finals to be more like the girl who did receive the award. Or you can suffer from a defeatest mentality, ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater, convinced that it’s a death sentence when you don’t win a prelim award.
Listen – I’ve been there. It does suck. Especially when you really were kind of expecting to win one. It knocks the wind out of you for a minute, but then you have to decide what you are going to do with the hand you’ve just been dealt. Are you going to crack and crumble and fall apart? Or are you going to remember it ain’t over til it’s over, lean on months of hard work that got you there, and step out with confidence that you are the most well-rounded, dynamic person to be the titleholder?
Because if you truly have prepared your best, there isn’t anything else you can do except BE you.
I didn’t know how to handle disappointment, and I didn’t have anyone with the wisdom to tell me how to prepare for it. I want better for you! Don’t play mind games with yourself – there are enough other people willing to do that for you. So lean into the words of wisdom from someone who DID understand how to rise above disappointment and shine.
Date roses escape the best of us sometimes – but none are as important as that final rose. In fact, it’s the only one that truly matters. Well that…and the bling. See the similarities?! It’s the analogy that just keeps giving. You’re welcome… 😉